John 13:18-21 • Overcoming Relational Betrayal

In the previous section of John 13, while responding to Peter as he washed feet, Jesus said, “You are clean, but not all of you.” And the text clarifies the Lord said this because, “He knew who would betray him.” At the time, he didn’t elaborate. Instead, he continued to focus the disciples’ attention on the example of holy servitude he was modeling. But after concluding that lesson, verses 18-21 record Jesus returning to that seemingly stray comment as he warned his disciples that they were about to witness the fulfillment of a messianic prophecy. He quoted from Psalm 41:9 and said, "He who eats bread with me has lifted up his heel against me." And he later clarified what he meant when he said, “One of you will betray me.”

Can you imagine how disturbing that must have been for them to hear? The revelation that one of their brothers-in-ministry would do this must have been profoundly unsettling especially since Jesus didn’t immediately identify the culprit. They must have looked around at each other in shock wondering which of them would do such a thing, why, and what would it mean for the rest of them.

That’s why the Lord was careful to preface his announcement by affirming their chosen-ness. He knew that once this bombshell dropped, they would need assurance that this one person’s backstabbing wouldn’t invalidate their calling. And he went on to explain that he was telling them in advance so that when it happened their faith wouldn’t be shaken. Then, emphasizing the importance of what he was about to say with the phrase, “Most assuredly, I say to you,” he reinforced his steadfast commitment to stand behind them as his sent ones in the same way the Heavenly Father stands behind him.

What a comfort that must have been for them to hear in that moment!

But what about Jesus? How did this affect him?

John, who witnessed this firsthand, stated that Jesus was “troubled in spirit” as he said these things. He wanted us to know that the Lord was experiencing pain erupting from a very deep place. And I suppose his inclusion of this description may simply have been the result of insight he’d received from the Holy Spirit as he penned his Gospel. But I think it’s more likely that it was observable, that Jesus was visibly shaken as he gave voice to his awareness of the impending treachery.

It’s important we never forget that Jesus was as fully human as he was divine. His foreknowledge as the Son of God about what was going to happen didn’t spare him from the emotional trauma he experienced as the Son of Man. The Greek word translated in verse 21 as betray specifically means to deliver a person to prison or judgment. But I think the fact that in this case it’s applied to the actions of a friend broadens its usage to include all the ways relational trust can be abused. Betrayal always hurts, and Jesus was deeply wounded by it.

We’ve all been there. So, it’s comforting to know our Savior understands what it’s like to have a friend trash a relationship you’ve invested your heart into. And anytime our relationships are violated, the comfort of his understanding is the shelter we run to. But the example of what he did in the face of his friend’s unfaithfulness is also important for us to see. He never allowed his pain to morph into anger and unforgiveness. Instead of obsessing about the ONE who was a backstabber, he kept his focus on serving the ELEVEN who weren’t.

Overcoming relational betrayal requires choosing not to live in its pain and allow it to infect your soul with the anger, distrust, and bitterness that will spiritually sideline you. It means pressing into the healing comfort of the one who truly understands and allowing him to redirect your focus from the violation of the one to the needs of the many.